grab a cup of coffee

so I tried this before...well...does one entry constitute a try? ....yeah, maybe not.

anyway...here I am. what do i think i'm doing here? well...I can't sleep, and thoughts keep rolling through this brain of mine. I have always loved to write. even if I don't put pen to paper, or finger to keyboard, this 45 year old brain is constantly composing. usually it's a bit nonsensical. but sometimes the swirling thoughts settle enough to actually make sense...and my fingers start itching. I just have to get it out. it usually ends up in a rather long facebook post, or a chat with my husband. so I decided I would try this blogging thing again.

if you are reading this...you probably already know me, at least to some degree. but I will tell you a few things...just in case you stumbled across this site...and wondered who this goofball is.

so here goes...as stated above...I am 45. yikes. why does that number look so BIG in black and white? I am a wife of an amazing man. I so do not deserve him. but he actually loves me, and he is truly my best friend.  I am blessed to be a mother of three wonderful humans...one daughter, and two sons. allie is now 22...zach is 19...and jordan is 14.  my career is art manager at carter's...a job that I love, but that I allow to consume me sometimes. yeah...so I'm a bit of a workaholic. workin' on that. ha.  workin' on not being a workaholic. (smirk)  I love to ride my bike...although you wouldn't know that...by the amount of dust it has accumulated lately. I love the outdoors. hiking with my family is therapeutic. my screened in porch has become my haven. (if you are my facebook friend, you already know that.)  I love to read...although I only seem to have time for audio books lately. I love photography...especially capturing kids.  little ones bring me so much joy. their unashamed display of how they think and feel...their unjaded (yeah, I know that's not a word) view of the world...their chubby hands and squeals and silly giggles make me forget that the world can be downright ugly. I am a dreamer. my pinterest boards are full of things I want to do, or make, or places I want to go. but that dreaming helps keep me sane..and once in awhile i actually do at least cook a recipe or two... I hate capitalization. I don't like that my "I" automatically gets capitalized as I type this. I'll see if I can fix that. :)  I prefer to keep my capitalization for my Heavenly Father. ...which brings me to my most important part of me...

I am a believer in God...the one true God. and I believe in His Son.  I believe that Jesus died for this crusty imperfect self-centered stumbling undeserving soul...and for that I am grateful...and have vowed to follow Him. that will be a common thread as I write...because He is the reason I am here...He is the reason I exist, and the reason I continue to exist. I was raised as a pastor's daughter. I learned Truth from parents who lived it. I lost my daddy 10 years ago...funny how it still hurts to write that....but his example of being a humble disciple has stuck with me.  don't get me wrong...I've messed up...big time messed up.  I walked away from my faith for awhile. I allowed bitterness to take root...and I regret those years with every fiber of my being. but Grace found me again.  I still stumble...way too often.  maybe that's really why I'm here...to record my stumbles, and to share what I learned from them. I'm also here to share a piece of my soul. God has given me a love for beauty...whether in photography, in art, in texture and color, in tastes and sensations. I will probably be sharing some of that stuff here too.

anyway...this already a too long post. I have lots of thoughts still tumbling...but I'll save those for the next post. so... if you have a few minutes...grab a cup of coffee...and I pray my musings may touch you in some way. maybe the lessons I've learned through my stumbles will help you.  maybe you'll find a new recipe. maybe you'll be inspired to write too. or maybe it will just supply a chuckle...and you'll be glad to know that I'm much crazier than you. :)