in the shadow

I love the sunlight. i grew up in the appalachian mountain range, in western maryland. i was much too familiar with cold. to me, it seemed as though winter would never end, and i hated being cold.  it made me hurt, and shivering was a state of torture for me. I remember, as a child, how much I loved the feel of the sunlight pouring through the window on a cold icy day. I'd sit next to the window, my face turned up to feel the full warmth.  I would close my eyes tight, and silently wish that when I opened my eyes...the snow would be gone, and the grass would be green again.  so when spring finally came, and I could finally run outside in my bare feet...I was ecstatic.  my mom has a photo of me, lying face down, with my cheek pressed firmly on the sidewalk in front of our house.  i was about three years old, but I still remember how much I was loving the sensation of the sun-warmed stones against my skin.  I avoided shadows as much as possible on those days.  I wanted to soak in the sun...soak it into every pore.  those shadows were chilly.  I wanted them banished from my front yard.

so now I live in georgia...and there is plenty of warmth to go around. and I do love it..there are times I sit in my screened-in porch, when it is 100 degrees out, and I soak in the heat...feeling it in my bones...and it feels healing. the rest of my family...in the air conditioned shelter of the house...peer at me from the windows, shaking their heads. I do love to be warm.  but I have to admit, there are those scorching-not-a-cloud-in-the-sky kinda' days in atlanta...where I just can't take the sun beating down on me anymore.  it's not often in the south that you are more than a few feet from a powerful air conditioner...but when I climb on my bike for a long ride in the georgia summer...the heat can quickly become overwhelming.  the sun can be relentless.  the water in my water bottle may start out icy cold, but within minutes...it seems...it has become bath water. I reach a point where I'm not sure i can push those pedals one more revolution.  on those days, shadows are my best friends.  my tired squinting eyes can finally relax. there is nothing like sprawling out on the grass in the shade of a big tree on days like this...hidden from the pounding heat of the sun's rays.

I read a verse in psalm 63 this morning that speaks of a shadow.  but this shadow is not the kind of shadow that i want forever banished...this is the shadow that I long for on those relentlessly hot sunny georgia days.  david wrote this psalm when he was in exile...either from king saul, or from his own son, both whom wanted him dead.  he is in the wilderness, and writes about being "in a dry and parched land where there is no water." he is crying out...seeking God...thirsting for Him.  he writes, 

⁷ "because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me."

although I love warmth, the relentless pounding heat of troubles and battles can make me weak, tired and thirsty. I am well aware that the battles and troubles I face are mild compared to what some have faced, and are facing. I certainly am not in a situation like david...i don't have a father-in-law or a son hunting me down to destroy me.  but that doesn't diminish the heat and exhaustion I sometimes feel. there have been some battles....and sometimes I'm pretty sure I don't have the energy to push those pedals one more revolution. I have learned that i just have to stop...and rest in the shadow.  and the only shadow that soothes is the shadow of my heavenly Father's wings.   my squinting eyes can rest.  I can lie down in the grass...close my eyes...and breathe deep again.  I've needed that shadow more than ever this year. I've run to it a lot.  it's been a hot ride, and my legs have needed a lot of breaks. but I can always find that shadow...and in it I am helped and upheld. i admit that I'm not always so quick to sing in the shadow, as david did here. I tend to curl into a ball, and feel sorry for myself. I need to be more like david...realizing that I am loved, and sheltered...and guarded from the relentless heat by some powerful and gentle wings. how can I not sing? with david I should cry out...

"because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands."

the sun can get hot...my eyes can get tired...my legs may want to no longer move...but there is always a shadow to shelter me...wings to comfort and console.  how can I keep from singing?